nyagosstar: (Default)
It's strange.  I don't feel all that nervous about starting my new job tomorrow, but I've already had my stupid stress dream where I'm in college and at the end of the semester and I realize I stopped going to one of my classes because I didn't like it.  I spend the whole dream freaking out, trying to figure out what to do and mostly just feeling sick and stupid about the whole thing.  It's always a class on my high school campus, even though it's a college class and it's always taught by one of my high school teachers.  Completely ridiculous.

Also, just now, I have the annoying ring of pulsating light in my vision that is an early indicator of a migraine.

Honestly, I don't feel nervous, but I guess my subconscious and my body don't give a shit.
nyagosstar: (king roy)
So, about two weeks ago, I interviews for this job I really, really wanted.  I wanted it from the description.  I wanted it while I was in the room interviewing.  I wanted it walking out of the office and back to my car.  I wanted it so much I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to set myself up for disappointment if I didn't get it.  It's easier, most times, to not want things, than to want them and be disappointed.  At least it has been in my experience.

Anyway, I was supposed to hear about a decision at the beginning of this week.  Then, of course, Hurricane Sandy came through and while PA was pretty lucky as far as damage was concerned, most places were closed Monday and Tuesday and the place I interviewed didn't open back up until Thursday.  I sweated it out all day Thursday, figuring there was probably a lot to catch up on right after missing three days, but that if I didn't hear by Friday, I didn't get it.

I tried, I really tried to distract myself Friday from thinking about it, but by about two in the afternoon, I had convinced myself it wasn't going to happen.  It was too late in the day.  I hadn't gotten it and I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.  I let myself want something and this is what happens. 

So, I made plans with E and a friend to go see Wreck-it Ralph(It was pretty good, btw) when I missed thier call, and they didn't leave a message.  It was about four in the afternoon and I was sure.  Who calls to offer a job at the end of the business day?  No one.  You call to tell all the people who you didn't pick, Thanks, but No Thanks.  I tried to call back and didn't get an answer.  I felt sick and my heart was pounding.  I tried again.

And again.

And then I finally got through and thought I was going to have a heart attack in the front room my heart was pounding so hard when I got the job offer.  I had to tell myself, firmly, "You cannot cry on the phone to your new boss.  You can't.  Keep it together for just a couple minutes."

So, that's my story.  I start the week after next in a job I really, really wanted and in a profession I think I could really, really see myself liking.  It'll be a first in my adult life.
nyagosstar: (so glad i met you)
even though i totally love the new doctor, i love the new stories, and i'm slightly terrified about where this is all heading. there are so many echoes of things that have come before, things that are the same but through a slightly different lens that i'm worried. loving it, though.

i have devolved into the most standard cliche i think i have ever managed. i'm working on my writing in a coffee shop. the only thing that could make it moreso is if i were actually drinking coffee instead of chai. i am just not a fan of coffee. chai, on the other hand, is made of awesome and i could drink gallons of it. thankfully it's cool enough that i can still have it warm and not feel like i'm burning up from the inside. cold chai doesn't really do it for me.

this is also day one of my not-a-vacation five day vacation. i have acres of vacation time as the result of working for the same company far longer than i ever expected. every year, i never end up taking anywhere near all of it and as it doesn't roll over and i don't get paid out for it, i have to use it or it goes away. also, as work blows like a whale spout a the moment, time away is nothing but good. so, i have a five day stretch ahead of me filled with the intent to write, hang out with the girl, catch up on cleaning and maybe, possibly, get a hair cut. it's long like whoa and i kind of don't know what to do with it.

oh, and get more of this ginger ale. because just like the little old amish lady who sold it to me told me, i crave it, kind of all the time. i've planned the last two weeks around how to make a trip out to get it. i want some just now writing about it.
nyagosstar: (david in the sun)
i feel like i cannot be the only person totally disgusted by the new kfc giant chunk of fried chicken in a little pocket. i can't imagine what they were thinking, because every time i see the commercial, i have to turn the channel, it's so gross. what do you think they were going to offer that someone said 'no, nope, no one's going to want that.'?

work totally sucks right now. there's not much else to say about that.

what i really, really want to talk about, though, are the perfect little purple flowers blooming across the street right now. when i was little, growing up in florida, i didn't think much of flowers. i thought they were generally useless and girlie and i didn't want anything to do with them. when you've only got two seasons--hot and not quite so hot--the flowers are there all year. it's not a big deal.

but here, well, i've turned a corner on flowers. we've been buried under snow for nearly a month now. there are still places where you can find it on the ground and melting on the streets, dirty grey. there was a point about a week or two ago i was sure it was never going to go away. but we've had a couple warm days--and it's a sad state of affairs when 40-50 degrees is considered warm--and it's all finally starting to go away. there are still pockets and patches where it's been plowed into huge piles and on the side of buildings that don't get much sun, but i feel like there's hope.

and the most consistent sign of hope? the perfect little purple flowers that bloom with the first warm spell across the street. it's a tiny bit of color that makes me so unbelievably happy, i kind of don't know what to do with myself. i want to keep that feeling, bottle it and save if for next winter. i want to have those flowers in my apartment all year long, but i never want to go pick them. they're better wild and free and my first sign spring.
nyagosstar: (bastion)
i love it when i overhear someone wistfully saying, "oh, i'd just love to work in a bookstore." they're thinking that it's the idyllic pastoral life of reading wonderful books in quiet corners, handing over the perfect book the the perfect person--the one who read everything that you've read. that it's quiet and charming.

it's this phrase that echos in my head while i spend half an hour on the freezing cold loading dock--it's twelve degrees, but that's okay because it feels like six--helping to push not one but two 3,000 pound return skids into a truck with a defective lift gate. or when i'm covered from fingertip to elbow in paper and cardboard cuts. or when i've just been screamed at by someone who got a book for a gift that i can't take as a return because they don't have a receipt and that book's been out of print for 3 years. when we're so busy with the phone and the people in the store that we can't breathe, let alone sit for even 15 minutes to eat.

i hand out books to kids for school that they'll never read, force a smile on my face and say yes, i think you'll love twilight. which is true, you probably will, but it made me want to stab my eyes out and i think it's a piece of trash. i've nearly given up on recommending the adult books i read because they're all so strange that people look at me like i'm a nut when i put them in their hands and don't calm down until i hand over nicholas sparks.

we're not even going to talk about the people who ask--with an unforgivable glint of glee in their voices--if we're going out of business. this is not something you should ever ask anyone in a retail environment, no matter what the current economic state is, btw.

there are lots of great things about my job--advance reader copies ftw--and i do get to spend all day surrounded by books. i get to see books and read books that i would have otherwise never known about. some of the people who come in really do care about the written word and want to engage you in conversation about their favorite author and every once in a while, i actually have time to have that conversation.

but mostly, whenever i hear anyone say what a wonderful and relaxing place a bookstore must be to work, i laugh--kindly--ask them if i can help them find anything else and then move on to the other ten people waiting for my help.
nyagosstar: (golden swirl)
and then i remember that i'm supposed to finish my words for nano before i play on the internets so i've been reading and writing here less than i'd necessarily like. but, you know, i'm trying with the work ethic. the project is going well. well, at least, i'm writing a lot. i can't really speak to the quality or interest level, but it's getting done and it's more than i've written in months which was the idea. i'm feeling pretty good, even if my characters still don't have last names. or, you know an actual city or state that they're living in. i can probably get around giving them a real city, it being speculative modern fiction, but i'm pretty sure i can't get away without naming a state.

long week was long. we had a visit from two of the upper, upper echelon people in my company and only had three day's notice. oh yeah, and it was the beginning of the holiday merch change so basically every single thing in my store had to change. it was a lot of long days, an entire day off working, but it was a great visit and we had the best looking store that they saw. which, you know, makes me all glowy because i busted my ass to make sure it was letter perfect.

i bought picture books for the as yet unnamed nephew. i'm secretly pleased he's going to be a boy if for no other reason than picking out books is going to be sooooo much easier. i mean, i could have faked my way through a girl, but she would have ended up with a lot of the same stuff and hte explanation that hey, no really, just because it's about prince doesn't mean it's not for girls. which is true, but hard to convince.

also? criminal minds, much. if it works out the way it seems it's going, that's going to explain so very much about reid. i can't wait for next week.

current nano wordcount: 16,234
nyagosstar: (all is one)
i think part of it was that the phillies won the world series so most everyone here is all, you know, insane over that. i honestly don't know that i'll ever understand, but i can be happy for the people who are happy. the other part is that because of the above, there was a massive parade in the city and lost of places were closed and we had a total shit day at the store because we were insanely busy. by the end of the day i was the crankiest crank that ever cranked and all i wanted to do was come home and be cranky by myself.

it's the first day of nano and i spent a good part of my day itching to get home and get started which is kind of an awesome feeling and one that i haven't had in ages. i actually want to write something, i want to be working on something and i'm excited about the prospect. i wropte about six pages tonight, which is a good start, but considering of those six pages, i think i got one, count it just one, really, really good line...well, actually, i'm not doing too bad.

here's the funny thing about writing modern-ish fiction after coming from a background of mostly fantasy. i was three pages in before i remember i have to give all of my characters last names.

it was hard enough trolling through the baby name book looking for normal-ish names. not everyone can be named shit like, Bain and Darius and i don't know, something silly with and x and z in it.

but overall? it's a good start. i hope it continues in this vein otherwise i will be looking back on this post at the end of the month and laughing at my naivety.

nano wordcount: 2153
nyagosstar: (on the job)
it's been a while since i've trained anyone in our cafe and i'd forgotten how exhausting it is. after a while, the sound of my voice irritates even me and i can't imagine what it's like to listen to me natter on about espresso beans, sanitizer, foam consistency and timers for hours on end.

also, the sanitizer and my skin don't really get along, no matter how much lotion i put on. it's not fun.

on an up note, i did change the layout and name of my journal. i'm not sold on it entirely, there may be something i find later that i like better, but this will do for now. what i should do is learn how to customize my own layout, though i have a feeling it would be something like the mood theme. far more irritation and work than i expected and once it's done, i'd never want to do it again.

nano prep is going well. world building and outlining has always been a lot of fun to me so this is good stuff and it's an easy way to ease myself back into working. now i just need to pick a story and stick with it, because it's insane enough to think i'm going to try this going into the busiest season in retail. it'd be completely off the hook to try and do two things at the same time.
nyagosstar: (sighing toby)
customer: "which dictionary would you recommend?"
me: "i'd go with the oxford dictionary. it's the one i have at home and it's pretty much awesome."
customer: when i said recommend something, what i actually meant is i have a long list of requirements in my dictionary
for ten minutes
customer: "so which one would you recommend?"
me: "like i said, i really prefer the oxford." goes on to highlight some things about the oxford as well as some other dictionaries.
customer: "but she's in school and i need something that won't be too difficult to understand. which would you recommend?"
me: "the oxford dictionary."
customer: "oh, okay, thanks."

yeah, that's fifteen minutes of my life i'm never going to get back.

on the plus side, i have chicken, mushroom and spinach enchiladas in the oven right now and they will be read in ten minutes, so yay for that!
nyagosstar: (Default)
at my store, we all have individual codes to the alarm system so we can arm the store for the night and keep people from stealing our shit. i've been working there for a year now, with the same code, using it multiple times a week.

i completely blanked on it tonight to the point where i had to call another manager to have them come and close the store because i could not for the life of me remember my own code. wft, mind?

i blame mad cow disease, which i further blame on england, and then on myself for eating beef in england while i was living there.

in other non-hypochondriac news, we have Breakfast with Scot part two: the movie.

i'm not entirely sure how to feel about it. i mean, i guess it was good, but they changed it from the book so drastically that i don't know if i'm better having read the book first or if i'd have enjoyed the film more had i never read it.

eric is far less likable, and sam omg, they completely wasted sam's character. some aspects are more complicated than they needed to be while others were strangely glossed over. over all, i prefer my gay films to have characters who are less self-hating. i mean, i know it happens but when you're basing it on a novel where the characters explicitly ARE NOT self hating closet cases, it seems a little, i don't know, pointless. it's such a beautiful book and the movie is so not. it's not bad, but it doesn't hold a candle to the book.

points for trying, i guess?
nyagosstar: (Default)
is dealing with a total asshole. seriously. it's the five percent of the population, that's all, five percent that are total jerks that make the rest of us look bad because i can't remember all the good people in the face of one asshole. in some ways, i think the 25 minute drive home helps to chill me out a bit because i can listen to music and relax a little.

the problem is that when people get mean and angry, it's very hard for me not to echo that back to them. which, you know, doesn't help matters. neither does calling me names, throwing merchandise in my general direction or implying i'm too young to do my job--hi, i'll be thirty in about 8 months.

anyway. sarah vowell has a new book out today that i didn't know about until i was processing it for release last night, so at least i have something fun to read that just got bumped to the top of my 'to read' pile.
nyagosstar: (golden swirl)
1) no matter how compelling your sales are, if there are not one, but two major sporting events involving home teams on tv at the same time, no one is going to shop in your store.

2) my brain does strange things with letters.

when i read fantasy novels with long made up names, i almost never bother to learn them, i recognize the character by the combination of the first two letters. or i'll invert letters in fake names. there is a town not far from where i live called Llanerch and every time i see it, it always makes me think of Lon Lon Ranch from legend of zelda. it's the two l's and the rch combination at the end, i think.

so, when i see the new yard signs for Obama * Biden, um, yeah, my brain rearranges them to Osama Bin Laden, which is not fun for anyone, especially when i drive by about a million of them every day. it makes me wish the McCain * Palin turned into something awful, but i've got nothing, so your anagrams are welcome

am feeling much better today, i think being able to lay on my couch for two days was a big help in getting me over the sickness. and the short shift on saturday was the perfect way to ease me into working again.


Aug. 26th, 2008 04:54 pm
nyagosstar: (abhorsen)
in the event of a zombie apocalypse, the staff at my store had decided that i'd be one of the ones to make it through alive.

i'm pretty pleased, as the body count is actually quite high.
nyagosstar: (pissed kyouya)
and now my computer has a virus. it has enough functionality for me to retrieve all the shit i've been meaning to back up but never have, which is nice, and then i get to reformat the damn thing and start all over.

in other news, this evening i sorted and put out the romance monthlies which i haven't done since i changed stores. it was weirdly easier than i remember but still dumb because the books are pretty trashy and we end up throwing them away at the end of every month. ahhh, consumer society, you are so special.
nyagosstar: (books)
friday night into saturday morning was the release of the new stephanie meyers book, Breaking Dawn. now, i read the first book in the series Twilight back sometime in 2006 during that awesome time when i wasn't keeping this journal up to date, so i have nothing to link this to. needless to say, i read it because every single person i knew was in love with the book, in love with edward and couldn't shut up about it.

here's the thing, i don't know if i'm too much of that girl who was never really a 16 year old girl, even when i was 16 years old or if it's a lesbian thing, or what the hell but i was not a fan. i hated edward, i hated bella and i wouldn't have been sad if they'd all died at the end of the book. it did nothing for me so i put it out of my mind.

then harry ended and publishing companies and book stores decided we needed to have the next harry potter. so we picked stephanie meyer's stupid vampire travesty--which is at least decently written and the absolute horror that is christopher paolini's bullshit. we'll save that soapbox for when his next book properly comes out. needless to say neither of these series are the next harry potter, but we all have to pretend that we care.

i had maybe 20-25 girls and two moms who were really excited and showed up for our evening actives. they were kind enough not to laugh at the lameness and i was business savvy enough not to tell them that i thought their choice in literature sucked. apparently some places had as many at 400 people show up which is a decent turn out for a midnight even--true. it is not however, on the same level of hp, where i was over my maximum capacity and had to have my off duty police officer standing at my front door like a bouncer. it was not more than 2000 people and it was more than a little lame.

maybe if it was something i could get behind, i'd be okay with it, but they're just not interesting.

now, if we did midnight release parties for the Percy Jackson books, that would be awesome. instead i have fake vampire crap. they're not even cool vampires, they're lame emo vampires that make me want to stab my eyes out so i can stop reading.
nyagosstar: (smile shane)
but the good news is that i think i managed to work myself out of going in on my day off. it means i don't get to bask in the glow of big boss's praise for how fucking AMAZING my store looks right now, of which i am about 50% responsible--we're not going to talk about how i shifted the fucking religion section AGAIN--but i think i'm going to be okay with that. i'll sleep instead.

i'm going to start wash soon so i have all my favorites for california, and i'm measuring the odds of buying new things before i go. oh, and squeezing in a hair cut, because it's long like whoa. i mean, i don't think my hair has been this long since i was like, 14 or fifteen. and it's certainly been over a year since it was cut and i'm looking a little ragged. but you know, i don't like going because they talk to me and i prefer not to speak to strangers, if possible.

now, let's talk comic con panels i'd like to see, in a perfect world. since i've already broken down thursday--and it's still my day of total squee--here's the rest of the weekend.

friday )

saturday )

sunday, which is a very light day )

i think there's stuff i've missed--the result of leaving my printed and highlighted copy of events at work--and there's other stuff i'm passingly interested in, but this is a pretty good representation of what i want to see.

additionally, did you guys know that

9:00-10:00 Repo! The Genetic Opera First Look— See what director Darren Lynn Bousman has been up to since directing the last three Saw movies: Repo! The Genetic Opera. Check out the phenomenon that is this Goth Rock musical with sneak peeks and the new trailer plus stories from Darren and the actors themselves, including Alexa Vega (Spy Kids), Bill Moseley (The Devil’s Rejects), and Ogre (the band Skinny Puppy), among others. Room 6B

stars anthony head? for real. giles in a rock opera.

and on an entirely different note, the muppets are going to by at the smithsonian. how fucking cool is that? except miss piggy isn't there because, apparently, the foam used to make her is too delicate. i think there might be a dc field trip in my future.
nyagosstar: (meep helena)
here's a tip. when you get a phone call from your boss's boss who asks 'if i bring such and such important person with me, will your store be ready by thursday?' regardless of how it makes you look or your current state of readiness, you say 'NO!'

my nine hour day turned into a 12 hour day which i will likely repeat tomorrow and then just for fun, i'll get to go in for a couple hours on my day off on thursday. my vacation cannot come soon enough.

on a happier notes:

lightening bugs rock. they are possibly the loveliest thing on the planet and let me tell you, it's a pretty damn big place.

started rewatching angel season two after not one but 4 independent conversations started by other people on the subject of angel's awesomeness. i'd completely forgotten all about lorne and moe and angel sings mandy, 'cause i kinda think it's pretty'. gunn, omg, the love for gunn is never ending. and wes, the love for wes is never ending and why the fuck are neither of them working? i rock that opt so hardcore!

it's pretty startling, actually to watch angel which is so smooth and funny and serious all at the same time. it's charmingly self aware, well written and acted and, um, torchwood should be taking notes because often, generally--don't get me wrong, torchwood is my crack--none of those things. it's hard to do silly and serious in the same show and joss does it so effortlessly. *happy sigh*

and finally fullmetal chapter 85. i know this is something of a recurring theme regarding my response to the new chapters but grown up ed is such deep, deep love. everything is coming together so beautifully and i'm pretty sure i'm going to get my heart broken, but i don't care. it's worth it. and roy! omg, you are such a smooth motherfucker and that's why i love you.

and look! weddingfariy!ianto. hee!
nyagosstar: (Default)
but i'd just like to say that i think when your kid pees in a public place, like, say, my vestibule. you should at least offer to clean it up. because it's your kid's pee.

it wasn't actually that bad and by far not the worst thing i've had to clean, but could we have a little civilization, please?
nyagosstar: (ianto and tosh)
i was thinking of waiting until the first of june to start the whole, 'i'm going to post every day for a month thing' like i did last year during, um, july? i think? but then, it occurred to me, why the hell would i want to put off something i want to do now just to satisfy some ridiculous, but ultimately satisfying sense of symmetry.

i mean, i have the journal, i pay for it, i should be using it, no matter how boring or ridiculous my life is, right? that's how i'm feeling, today, at any rate.

i spent the last three days at work doing intense work like things. basically, we re-set the entire front of store so that it looks like we want people to come in and shop. that we want them to be able to move easily through our store and be able to find things in a simple and easy manner.

it fucking rocks. it involved moving several pieces of extremely fucking heavy furniture--i'm still a little sore--and touching literally every single book in the front of store to put them all in different places, but it was so worth it. it looks amazing and i'm so proud, it's a little pathetic, but damn my store looks good.

i do not, however, want to do that again for a very long time.

also on a work note, did i mention i almost made my douche bag of a co-worker cry for NO APPARENT REASON? other than that he is, apparently, a fifteen year old girl? i mean, here's the thing, if i'm going to make someone cry, it should be for a good reason, and i should, you know, want it to happen. i wasn't even being mean or overbearing or anything. i had a project i wanted to do and the information my gm had given me was that i could go ahead and do it. he thought there was some other kind of information floating about how i could not do it and was all irritated because he wasn't in on the meeting where she said to go ahead. and then there was the tight mouth and the almost tears.

i, of course, proceeded to tell EVERYONE. because i'm an asshole. who makes people cry, apparently.

in non-work news, i got the new jason mraz, of whom i am usually a fan and, um, yeah, not so much. it has two really good songs, two okay songs and the rest is really crying worthy. we're talking weird ass, i feel like i'm living in the seventies shitty jazz ear pain. no love.
nyagosstar: (bering sea)
usually, when i have dreams about being in school, it's something to do with the end of the semester and the realization that i've completely neglected to go to a class for the whole term. i end up faced with the decision of either going to take a final for a class i've never been to, or just avoiding the whole thing and hoping that it goes away.

this time, i was taking a final that apparently i had something like six hours to write. i'd write a couple lines then get up to go do something else, despite the fact that i knew i needed the entire time to do a good job. i think it may have something to do with the fact that i've been sitting on the same chapter for almost two weeks. there isn't even much in the way of editing that it needs. i've just been sitting on it.

i hate it when my subconscious acts all superior.

it struck me the other day i haven't been talking much about the other shows i watch, other than dr. who and torchwood, mostly because i don't feel like the writer's strike did anyone any favors and because when dr. who and torchwood are on, they kind of eat my brain. i'm looking forward to the summer when i get it back. though, if there is another freaking spin off with i'mnotamarysue!doctor's daughter i think i will lose my shit just a bit. i'm pretty sure there will be, and that's why they've been dropping hints about a female doctor for the past six months, but for real, i just don't care. the way i don't care about sarah jane. i just don't. there is a limit to my interest in the who-verse.

house was kind of disappointing to begin with and then stumbled a lot as a result of the break. it's really too bad that they saved up their best stuff for the two part season finale. this week's episode was kind of brilliant and i'm hoping for something as good next week. i don't think i'll be owning this season, though. it's not worth it.

criminal minds has been all right, but i hate the new guy they got to replace inigo montoya so much i kind of snarl a little whenever he comes on the screen. he's so useless i can barely stand it. especially because his only role seems to be to correct and then rescue the poor, stupid women on the show. because he is clearly so much smarter and better and they are just dumb girls. patriarchy, much? i do love jj with bad fake new orleans accent guy, though. and xander as computer tech geek with garcia fills me with total glee. they are too adorable for words.

oh, oh, my god, i haven't talked about the absolute crack addled insanity that is bleach, either. you have to love a series that, when it gets bored with what it's working on, completely blows it's own time line, leaves the main characters on the brink of a major battle and or death and jumps to a totally different story line that we can only assume takes place some time before everyone went off to heuco mundo. not that i'm complaining, i love soul society so much better than i love ichigo's scooby gang fighting arancar but there is NO EXPLANATION. and that level of crack is kind of love.

oh, yeah, and i got a raise, yesterday when i didn't think it would be getting on for the second year in a row. so, you know, go me. and go my boss for sticking up for me and making it happen.


nyagosstar: (Default)

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