Sep. 24th, 2012 10:46 am
nyagosstar: (golden swirl)
I’m sitting in my sort-of sister-in-law’s living room, in Pennsylvania about as relieved and happy as I’ve been in, I don’t know how long. I mean, I know we have a lot to do in the coming weeks—I’m very much not looking forward to unpacking the storage container full of all of our stuff—but everything feels, I don’t know. Hopeful?

The trip up was long and exhausting. It always surprises me how tiring just driving can be. The first day was twelve hours to get to my brother in North Carolina. Since he’s lived now in two cities in three places and this is only the first that I’ve seen, I’d say it’s about time. We stayed up late both nights I was there and my nephew is just over three and a ball of energy, so there was not a lot of rest to be had. It was fun and really, really good, but tiring. Then yesterday, I made the seven hour trip in just over six. It helps that the speed limit around DC is more of a suggestion than an actual limit.

Just driving around DC left me feeling nostalgic and a little homesick. I haven’t lived there is, what, twelve years? But it still feels, I don’t know. Warm, is the best way to describe it. Then I drove past the place where I was a car with friends in college when one of the tires came off. It seems funny now—the car stopping and seeing the wheel continue forward—but it was a little less so at the time. The mid-to-north east coast is full of so many more memories than Florida, even though I spent 18 years there. I suppose it’s because I was an actual adult once I moved further north. I don’t have many memories of my childhood, they’ve slipped away over the years, replaced with new ones, more tangible ones.

Anyway, I guess the point is that I’m home. Not, you know, home, home, but much closer. And it feels so good.
nyagosstar: (Default)
last night i finished and won what is, i think, my only game of monopoly. i bought a Nightmare Before Christmas monopoly edition because it was on sale like whoa and played a game last night with friends on a whim. I have to say that it's certainly a more entertaining game with more than two people.

my brother an i would play when we were little and visiting my grandparents, but it was so long and boring and he would always be the one clearly in lead that at some point i would storm off, or we'd get bored or we'd both start stealing things from the bank. the Nightmare Before Christmas made it cooler, though harder to find the squares and, oh, did i mention i won? cause it was kind of awesome.

in strange news, there was a dairy farmer in new york who went in to his barn, killed his 51 milk cows and then himself, but leaving the heifers and calves alive. it's the strangest bit of news i've seen in a while.

i still have two days left of vacation and the possibilities of laziness abound. there's laundry and cleaning and dishes and organizing to be done. i'd like to make bread today and i should also be working on my fma big bang fic but i broke out my old copy of Tales of Symphonia and the replay value of the game is surprisingly high.
nyagosstar: (we're here to kick your ass)
this morning, there was a notice in my old, mostly junk mail email account from GeoCities. They'll be shutting down the site on the 24th of October and they urged me to start transferring anything i might want to save now before it's gone from the internet forever.

there have been stretches of time over the last two or three years that i've completely forgotten i ever had a GeoCities page, which is bizarre considering that there are hundreds of pages of star wars fanfic living there. there was a time, about eight years ago now, that i lived and breathed tpm. when i knew obi-wan and qui-gon's voice as well as i knew my own. when i would have hour long conversations about plot and character development and talk about them as though they were real. i remember struggling over the decision to make bel-san a healer, and give payter at padawan and to take away slade's master. i remember falling in love with our original characters more than i ever loved obi-wan and qui-gon and wishing i could watch the movies and see them there, or watching the movies and expecting to see them there.

when i was a newbie to fanfiction i remember reading a comment from an author who seemed surprised to find a story on her hard drive that she'd completely forgotten she'd ever started. i remember thinking how it seemed impossible to forget something i wrote. and now here we are, five years after our last update telling our readers that we'd be stopping the series. our site holds almost six hundred pages of fiction, multiple drawings and years of my creative life and this morning, i struggled to remember the web address.

in the end, i grew to love our original characters more that i did the ones that drew me to the fandom. i'd written myself into a corner where all i could see where the imperfections of the star wars universe, the cracks in the foundation and the looming destruction that was only ten years away from characters i loved so much it almost hurt. i couldn't find a way to write myself out of that corner and at the same time persevere the integrity of the time line that gets us to A New Hope. because as much as i loved obi-wan and qui-gon individually, it wasn't enough for me to want change the farmboy, the smuggler and the princess out to save the universe.

on october 24th, GeoCities will shut down and we'll let Elementary Jedi fade into the echoing memory of the internet. i loved them more than anyone can ever know. i wrote more for them than we ever posted. i lived and breathed with them for years but it's time for them to be done and strangely, i feel okay letting them walk off into the sunset. i have some regrets--their story is left unfinished--but in some universe, everything worked out for them; it just wasn't a universe i could write for them and for that i apologize. you deserved better in my hands.
nyagosstar: (golden swirl)
i opened the door to the hallway of my building at work last night and was overwhelmed by the smell of my college dorm hallways.

it was so strange because it's never had that scent before, but last night it was like stepping in to spellman hall. i was almost expecting to see white and blue painted cinder block and a long line of doors with numbers and dry erase boards taped to them.
nyagosstar: (Default)
Tagged by [livejournal.com profile] halfacork

Comment on this post and I'll tell you five subjects/things I associate with you. Then you post them in your lj and elaborate.

Joss oh, joss. i make fun of him for going back to fox after the debacle that was firefly, but the truth is, i'm the same way with him. i know he creates characters that i love and then kills them. i know terrible things happen to good people. i know he's going to make me care about people that i used to hate and i go blindly back ever time. it's because at the heart of it, i love the way he writes and directs and imagines. when he's on, he's on and his work connects in a blinding flash of light with me. i want to be able to keep my distance from what he creates, i want to have some perspective, but that never, ever happens. joss is a rockstar.

Obi Wan the dark theater, the fox theme, the star wars theme. i'm choked and on the verge of tears from just these things. i've been waiting for years for new star wars and here it is and this room filled with people who want it just as badly as i. and then, there they are, jedi the way we've always been told, fighting, flipping kick ass jedi. and there is obi-wan. and my first thought is 'who knew obi-wan was so hot?'

i didn't care about naboo, i didn't care about anakin, i certainly didn't care about the pod race. i lived and died for the moments with ob-wan and qui-gon and when qui-gon died in obi-wan's arms, when he reached up to touch his face, it was a punch to the gut. that single touch changed EVERYTHING about the movie because it was so clear that they loved each other and had been fucking or wanted to be fucking the whole time.

i love obi-wan because he is both awesome and tragic. he lives to see the downfall of everything he's ever known and loved. he lives in the desert for 18 years hoping against hope that the son will be better than the father, that it won't have all been for nothing. he is lovely and a little bit broken--just how i like him.

Madam's Organ it's funny because one of my clearest memories of that place is sitting on the roof, drinking whatever you guys had ordered for me because i was so unwise in the ways of drinking, huddled against the cold because it was almost too early for the roof to be open. i'd had maybe two drinks, so i was hot and a little bit drunk and i was spitting my drink through a straw at emily. and the time that i was waiting in line for the bathroom and this hot girl was going to show my the tattoo on her hip, but she was next and the woman behind us had no patience for slightly drunk girls who wouldn't keep the line moving.

Wait I already told you that? this? makes me feel the mad cow encroaching because i don't know what this is in reference to. help me out!

I'm sorry, the hair thing! Forever shall that be etched in my mind! my hair doesn't' take color well. i can dye it if i want, but it fades pretty quickly. and odd colors, pretty bright blues and greens? forget about it. if they last a day it's a shock. i was in high school and my hair has never been fun and since i couldn't dye it, i wanted to do something. shaving it off seemed like the thing to do. i didn't expect to love it as much as i did. it stayed about a quarter inch long for six years? and then i did it again a couple years ago. i don't keep it that short anymore, god, it's long enough to be pulled back in pony tail these days because what was cute at 18 is odd at 29. but i loved it.
nyagosstar: (golden swirl)
yesterday, i broke 25,000 words on my nano project. in terms of the nano guidelines, it means i'm half way there. in terms of where i think i'm going to end up, i'd say it's closer to a third. maybe a little more. i'm still struggling with my setting, everyone is living in an unnamed major city that, in my head at least, feels like a cross between DC and somewhere in the mid-west. or, what i imagine is the mid-west having never been there. picking a city i'm familiar with means a little bit of research. picking a city i'm unfamiliar with means a lot of research. i'm more of a 'make it up' kind of girl. it's possible it will remain a made up city somewhat along the lines of gotham city.

i was wandering a store this week and came across the candle section. now, i'm never one to pass up the opportunity to sniff some candles, even though the flavors sounded kind of eh. but i found one, called currant, and as soon as i smelled it i was six years old and it was christmas. i don't tend to associate many smells with christmas, with florida not being the wood burning, snow falling, wintery sort of place. but it was so strange, but so strong i need to call my mom and find out what's up with this smell, what we had that used it, because for the life of me, i can't pin it down. i bought the candles and have been sniffing them randomly for days and all i can think is being little and christmas.

nano wordcount: 25,445
nyagosstar: (Default)
it had been hot and dry all day and then the last hour i was at work i spent in the back in my office, only to walk out and find it POURING. seriously, from no where.

books are such a funny thing. we spend so much time thinking about the newest thing, the most popular thing that it's easy, at least for me, to forget about all the wonderful thigns i've read over the years. it's easy to assume that because a book has been around for a while, everyone has already read it. it still knocks me flat when i sell copies of hp and the sorcerer's stone.

anyway, i was thinking today about raymond feist's riftwar saga books. they are literary gold by no means, but when i read them, all impressionable and not jaded by fantasy cliches at thirteen they were brilliant. how i loved pug and the moody arutha and jimmy the hand. jimmy the hand. there's a great scene at the end of the second book when he falls against a cliffside trying to escape from, um, something and stabs himself with his own knife. it was the most dire and thrilling thing i'd ever read.

i generally don't recommend these books to adults, but i'll hand them off to kids in a heartbeat. kind of like david eddings because i have such fond memories for them. part of it was because i didn't really read kids books as a kid, i hit nine years old and skipped right to adult books. fantasy--at that time--tended to be a safe place for kids like me and so those are the books of my youth instead of the phantom tollbooth or matilda(both of which i've never read) but also, i think, even at that age, i was so desperate to get out of my own town, to be older to be more interesting that those books opened up a whole new way of thinking.

they were magic just as much as the kind the characters used.
nyagosstar: (Default)
when i lived in england, i worked in a small sandwich shop on a funny little side street about ten minute's walk outside the city center. it was a small place and run by a woman who liked to make fun of my accent--though i swear to god i never pronounced saran wrap the way she said it. it was always busy and filled with life and it was a good place to be.

it was also home to the most amazing sandwich i've ever had. cubed chicken covered in tika paste with sharp cheddar on a bap and stuck under a broiler until it was made of melty goodness. there is nothing like it here, i've looked, and sometimes, i crave it so badly all i want to do is get on a plane and take an eight hour trip just for a sandwich.

and maybe a cup of the hot chocolate from the hot drink stand that was always outside my building. i think it was called A&M or maybe M&A; i wish i could remember because i've never had hot chocolate that good. it was worth standing in the freezing cold, waiting for everyone one else on the planet with a hot chocolate craving to get their drink and get out of the way before i had to get back to class.

even though it's warm today, i find myself with a sudden craving for food that's an ocean and thousands of miles away. but i found a picture, completely by accident and suddenly i'm homesick for somewhere i only lived for one semester.

nyagosstar: (so glad i met you)
the doctor--nine (and ten to a lesser extent)
ray k
danny--aaron sorkin pwns me when he can make me watch a show about sports
nick--yeah that's right, i'm pulling out the p:tl references, yo

prince josua

are you seeing a pattern here? brilliant, pretty boys. broken boys. sadness, issues, determination, extreme competence. wicked humor, violence, borderline insanity. secrets, lies. leaders, followers, black sheep, bad guys in good guy hats, good guys with dark pasts.

and then there was the one that met all the above criteria, line for line. who it should have been no surprise that i would fall for and fall hard.


ed. he's fifteen. he's a cartoon. he's in an anime show and i didn't get anime. i didn't understand how you could tell a story in cartoons and make it mean something. and then there was ed. who was all the things i love, who was the main character, i hardly ever like the main character. but he stomped in with his metal limbs--and we all know how badly amputation freaks me out--his guilt, his determination and his brilliance and he pwned me.

so, yeah, not exactly one who didn't meet my type, but definitely one who i never saw coming.

are you still planning a comic-con outing? cause i'd be down with that.


nyagosstar: (Default)

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